The importance of failure and the Imposter Syndrome

[aion]

The first year I tried building pedals, I was zero for 12, not a single working build. I was extremely frustrated and very nearly gave up forever.

Coming from a programming background, I figured there had to be a serious bug someplace high up that was flowing downstream into all of my builds. I'm good at following instructions - there's no chance I just independently screwed up each build in a unique and novel way. So I went through every step of my build process.

When I was getting started, an EE friend told me that it's good to use flux when soldering - and so I'd picked up some water-based flux from Home Depot along with my $15 Weller iron. Turns out that the flux was not designed for electronics and was somewhat conductive, so I had random shorts all over the place. That's why I could never get anywhere with troubleshooting.

After I threw out the flux, it was like Karate Kid post-wax-on: nearly all of my builds from that point forward worked the first time, and I quickly regained the confidence that had been sapped by the flux debacle. Fast forward ten years and I've made a full-time job out of it.

During that time, just about everything I learned, I learned by screwing up. So to the degree that I'm any good at what I do today, it's mostly because I've made more mistakes than other people. The important thing is just never make the same mistake twice. Learn everything you can from your failures. Make sure there's no lingering question about why something didn't work, and figure out how you can make sure that specific issue never happens again.

"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

[madbean]

Great post, Kevin! Thank you.

I remember my first build very well. It was a simple DIY A/B switcher that was on the Fulltone site (this had to be around 2004). After I built it I realized I had absolutely no use for it But, that lit the fire.

[chromesphere]

Well said and explained Brian i couldnt agree more.  Self doubt and imposter syndrome go hand in hand.  I dont BELIEVE that im great at anything.  So when im told i am, i feel like i've mislead or even lied to people.  I say that from personal experience by the way.

I recall a conversation i had some years ago with someone on this forum when i was having a rough time with one aspect of my life.  And he said, in so many words, or at least, the way i read it: "There's something that you have that others don't.  There's something that you know you can do well, that others cant.  Its not insignificant, its important.  That's the thing you should be focusing on improving".  I thought about what that thing was and i came to an answer.  And just like that.  Bang.  Things started to make sense.  Stop competing with others, and start competing with myself.

That advise lead me out of the dark and head first into improving my life.  Not just with the "thing" I was having trouble with.  With everything.

[Aleph Null]

Open mics cured my imposter syndrome. For three or four years I played and helped run an open mic. I got to see a lot of players pass through in that time. Most were good—at least in some aspect—and had something they did in a way that no one else could. What I learned over many conversations with musicians I respected (and sometimes envied a little) was that no one is good at everything and that we are often in the worst position to identify our own strengths or unique contributions.  As an example, I had a friend who could finger pick like Chet Atkins or Tommy Emanuel. It was hard not to feel inadequate next to him. One night he pointed out to me some syncopated lick that I played that he just couldn't get under his hands. At first I was baffled that there was anything I could play that he couldn't. But after that, it got easier for me to just lean into what I enjoyed and to trust that the right audience would find me and appreciate whatever unique contribution I have to make to the craft.

[culturejam]

I have been a ham-fisted failbot lately on circuit design ideas. Like seriously, 7 or 8 ideas in a row crashed and burned. A few just refuse to work at all, and others sound just "meh" at best. Definitely frustrating, but unlike my old way of dealing, I'm just plowing ahead with more ideas. Sooner or later I'll get something good going.

On another note, a failure from about 3 years ago just got worked out. After extensive testing, I discovered that there was a defect in the PCB manufacturing. My idea was good, the board was just bad. So at least there's that.

[jjjimi84]

Anyone want to talk short comings and imposter syndrome? I am a middle aged, balding dad rocker who films himself in a room talking about pedals and if any of you have watched know, I am not a great guitar player nor am I at all knowledgeable about what I am doing but my buddy Eric thought it would be a good idea.   

I think if left to my own devices I would live in the middle of nowhere whittling spoons and drunk. Self doubt, failure (or fear of it), imposter syndrome and all of those negative thoughts that swirl around my head have kept me firmly planted where I am. It is only through the insistence of my wife, family and friends that I even try to do anything really, especially the likes of social media and youtoobz.

I could tell stories upon stories of short comings and failures both personal and professional but it has been through having an outlet like this to bullshit about a hobby that keeps my spirits up and all of you equally crazy bastards.

[dan.schumaker]

I have been a ham-fisted failbot lately on circuit design ideas. Like seriously, 7 or 8 ideas in a row crashed and burned. A few just refuse to work at all, and others sound just "meh" at best.

I've been in that same boat lately.  My last 3 or 4 board orders, I've been hitting at about a 50% rate (some even on their second or third revision).  Sometimes its something stupid like "I totally forgot to add the reference voltage divider" to "why did I think a switch would work that way".  And almost worst than a dumb mistake in design is the dreaded "that just doesn't sound good, and I have no idea how to make it sound better".

I have a lot of conversations with my wife about this as she is trying (and succeeding) at launching a little cookie side business out of our house.  She has a lot of the same feelings of not being good enough and that people will find her out.  I keep reminding her that she is getting leaps and bounds better over where she was, and will only get better.  I feel like we are all in the same boat.  If we look at our first builds and where we are now, we have all learned a few things along the way. 

I always found this appropriate when we feel bad about our skills, we are all our own worst critic...

[cooder]

I read a great quote the other day which really resonates with me and I want to embrace it more:

"Worry is misuse of imagination."

[jkokura]

Not the same issue, but I work with a lot of young and unexperienced musicians who are singing or playing on stage for the first time. Often people are so afraid of making mistakes in front of people. The reality is that even the best musicians make mistakes, the best singers hit wrong notes, and these flubs will happen no matter your skill level. Learning to be a great player is realizing that you can't be perfect at all times, and that nobody really remembers the mistakes, especially the people we love, remember your bravery or the great moment in the set, and the mistakes always fade.

It's a tough lesson to learn, but those who do will succeed, and it's worth it if only because playing in front of people is such a rewarding experience.

Jacob

[matmosphere]

Not the same issue, but I work with a lot of young and unexperienced musicians who are singing or playing on stage for the first time. Often people are so afraid of making mistakes in front of people. The reality is that even the best musicians make mistakes, the best singers hit wrong notes, and these flubs will happen no matter your skill level. Learning to be a great player is realizing that you can't be perfect at all times, and that nobody really remembers the mistakes, especially the people we love, remember your bravery or the great moment in the set, and the mistakes always fade.

It's a tough lesson to learn, but those who do will succeed, and it's worth it if only because playing in front of people is such a rewarding experience.

Jacob

I've never really had stage freight, which is pretty lucky looking back. Think it stems from when I took lessons for a couple weeks. Think I learned E, C and G. I was playing through something with the teacher (who was really a great player and a cool guy) and I messed up a chord, and pretty quickly recovered and finished the song. The teacher basically said, Do That, if you mess up keep going and pretend it didn't happen. Anyone watching you will forget within the next few bars if you just keep going. Best advice I've ever gotten. I was maybe 14. That moment stuck with me, I stuck with guitar (but unfortunately not the lessons).

[culturejam]

stage freight

Sounds heavy. 

[gordo]

Stage freight is when you make a ton of mistakes...

I still get a bit of fright in new situations but having been on a stage for going on 50 years I've kind of worked my way thru it.  A drummer I once played with told me "it's not a mistake unless you acknowledge it"

As to middle age balding dad syndrome I think that at some point, and I think this presents itself more in males, you hit an age where you think "what the f**k am I doing?".  I think a lot of that stems from the fact that you don't get instant feedback like you do in a performing situation.  That bit of applause/attention, or lack of it is reinforcement or consequences of your actions.  In real life you don't get that.  But for everytime you think "this is useless" there are a hundred of us that would stand up and say "no...it's not...it means something".

A very long time ago I went to see Jeff Beck/Jan Hammer on the Blue Wind tour and Harvey Mandel opened for them.  From the first note that guy played he absolutely ripped me to shreds and I didn't hear electric guitar the same from that point on.  I was one of only a handful of people that seemed to be paying much attention to him and I've always thought it would be cool to be able to tell him what a life changing impact he made in a 45 minute set.  He'd already turned down a guitar seat with the Rolling Stones to stay true to himself and I'm hoping he got/gets royalties from his stint in Canned Heat but other than that I don't think you could say he had any commercial viability, if that's any measure of success.

For the record Jeff Beck was awesome too but I already knew what to expect...

[cooder]

But for everytime you think "this is useless" there are a hundred of us that would stand up and say "no...it's not...it means something".

That's great Gordo, well put (... speaking for a friend who is a member of the balding above middle age Granddad group).