Old band get-back-together (advise please)

[flanagan0718]

Hey guys,
    A long while ago I was in a cover band and we did alright. It got to some members heads (mainly the drummer's) and it ruined everything! They started talking about playing 4-5 times a month and doing shows in Boston and NY. It got a little out of hand and people were in it for the money and nothing else. That's not why I started the band and was very resentful for it. It ended up getting to the point where I blew off practice a few times to sit home and play video games instead of going and playing with guitar. The other members obviously got mad at me for it and I walked away from the band. It destroyed friendships and made me a very angry person.
    Since then we have mended things and are talking again (except for the drummer). They are now asking me if I would consider doing the band again. I don't know how to address this. I want to, but I'm very apprehensive about it. I don't want to start it again if its gonna end the same way. We have already agreed not to invite the drummer back but it still makes me nervous. I have been handling it like it's not my band anymore. I walked away over 2 and 1/2 years ago so I am leaving it in their hands. I am letting them make the decisions and as if I were auditioning for an already established band. I'm not sure if this is the right way to go about it.
    I guess I'm looking for advise. I'm sure there have been a few of you guys that have gone through something similar.

How did you handle it?
What would you have done differently?
Did it work out or not, and why?

Thanks in advance. I figured this is the best place to ask. Everyone here is so nice an level headed. Thanks again.

-Mike-

[pickdropper]

I think the best approach would be to figure out what you are looking for the band to be and then have an honest discussion with them about it.  They need to lay out exactly what they need from you as well. 

If the goals and ideals fit now, then great.  If not, probably best to walk away as it'll probably just fall apart again as the old resentments resurface.  For example, if they still want to play 4-5 shows a month and you don't, well that's not going to work so well.

You guys just have to talk it through.  I hope it works out and everybody has fun again.

[flanagan0718]

I think the best approach would be to figure out what you are looking for the band to be and then have an honest discussion with them about it.  They need to lay out exactly what they need from you as well. 

If the goals and ideals fit now, then great.  If not, probably best to walk away as it'll probably just fall apart again as the old resentments resurface.  For example, if they still want to play 4-5 shows a month and you don't, well that's not going to work so well.

You guys just have to talk it through.  I hope it works out and everybody has fun again.

We are getting together this week (I think) to talk about it. Hopefully we are all eye to eye but, that isn't always the case. Or, if they say it is there is a hidden agenda somewhere.

[rullywowr]

Congrats man.  It's great that you are thinking about getting it back together.  As long as you are upfront with your intentions and goals, I don't think you can go wrong.  When it starts to become "not fun" then it's time to move onto something else.  I play in a cover band and I can 100% tell you it is certainly not about the money

Let them know exactly how many times you want to play out per month...etc.

Drummers can be flaky but are vital to the band.  Here's a little drummer joke: 
Q:   How can you tell if the stage is level?

A:  The drool comes out of the drummers mouth evenly on both sides

[hoodoo]

Hi mate, I've got a similar story, different issues, but I walked away from a band that I started a couple of years ago. At the end it was no longer fun, and did put a strain on old friendships. Skip forward 2 years, we started jamming again in November and look to gig again soon. The point being, give it a go, what have you got to lose. All the old issues have disappeared , and even the old songs feel fresh, having not been played for a while. Good luck with it 

[flanagan0718]

Thanks for the advice guys. I guess we are gonna go get a beer on Thursday and talk things out. Should be interesting...


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[Muadzin]

I quit a band once and rejoined two years later (I think, give or take). I quit because I became really frustrated with the singer's control freakage at the one hand and the total lack of ambition at the other. And I was also busy with other bands, making my own music, which was kinda taking off at the time. I made sure however to leave on good terms. I stated that I just couldn't do three bands at the same time anymore and that whatever differences I had where musical, not personal. From time to time I returned to help out where I could as a sound engineer, stage hand and guitar tech because I did enjoy spending time with these guys. Eventually their replacement guitarist quit as well to pursue his own band and they asked me back. I rejoined while keeping in mind that this time I would keep my expectations low. This band was just not going to be the next hottest thing, but just a group of friends having fun. And if the singer wanted to be the guy in charge, then he was free to do so. I no longer considered it my mission to push this band into the spotlight. My mission now was just to have some fun making music with my friends. With acceptance of other people's faults or should I say limitations comes freedom.